As leaders, we focus a lot on what we say: preparing for meetings, writing the perfect email, or rehearsing for presentations. But the reality is, that some of the most important messages we send don’t come from our words—they come from our nonverbal communication.
Things like your body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, or even how you sit in a meeting are constantly communicating to others. The tricky part is, that most of us aren’t aware of it. That means you could be unintentionally undermining your words—or reinforcing them—without even realizing it. Additionally, when nonverbals stand on their own, like a shrug of the shoulders without words, we leave it up to the “listener” to interpret their meaning, and interpretations can vary wildly.
If you’ve ever told someone, “I’m here to support you,” with a flat tone or while simultaneously glancing at your phone if you didn’t realize your words said one thing, but your actions said something entirely different, you’re missing the opportunity to fix a disconnect that could damage trust and credibility.
Nonverbal Communication Builds—or Breaks—Trust
People naturally trust what they see more than what they hear. That’s why nonverbal communication is such a critical leadership skill. When your body language matches your words, you build trust. Your messages are cohesive and communicating the same thing. When nonverbals contradict your words, your message comes across as insincere at best—even if your intentions are good.
Take one of my clients as an example. He wanted to be perceived as more approachable during team meetings but couldn’t figure out why his team seemed hesitant to share ideas. After observing him in action, I noticed he frequently sat with his arms crossed, leaned back in his chair, and barely made eye contact. When someone came up with an idea he didn’t agree with, even if he didn’t say a word, his head shakes, heavy sighs, and dropping his head and rubbing his eyes sent a loud and clear message. The solution? We worked on open, forward-leaning posture and using eye contact to engage the room. The change was simple but had a huge impact. However, it’s not enough to just be a good actor and mimic the right nonverbals, you’ve got to change the internal dialog that’s creating those negative nonverbals in the first place, but more on that later.
Key Nonverbal Cues to Master
Here are five areas where small changes can make a big difference:
- Posture: Stand or sit with purpose. Slouching, fidgeting, or closed-off positions (like crossing your arms) can make you seem disengaged or defensive. Instead, try sitting tall with open gestures to invite collaboration. Lean in toward the speaker to show special interest or engagement with the conversation.
- Eye Contact: Nothing says “I’m listening” like focused, steady eye contact. On the flip side, avoid staring—it’s all about balance.
- Facial Expressions: Your face often speaks louder than your words. A genuine smile can foster connection, while a frown or furrowed brow might make others hesitant to approach you. Also, realize that your facial expressions are probably the most difficult to control and the ones about which we are least aware, so this takes extra practice.
- Vocal Qualities: Your tone, pitch, volume, and pace can reinforce—or completely change—the meaning of your words. A calm, steady tone and rate that stays about the same pitch and volume conveys confidence, while a rushed or harsh tone with increasing pitch can seem dismissive, argumentative, or convey anger or anxiety.
Nonverbal Communication in Tough Conversations
Nonverbal cues are particularly important when the stakes and stress are high, like during conflict situations or discussions. One simple yet powerful tool is active, empathetic listening. Nodding, maintaining eye contact, and leaning slightly forward are nonverbal ways to show you’re engaged—even if the conversation is tough. Keeping your mindset in the mode of, “I want to understand their feelings and position,” rather than judging, evaluating, or wasting time thinking about your counterargument will also help ensure your facial expression and tone reflect caring and understanding.
I’ve worked with several leaders who tried so hard to stay “professional,” when delivering difficult feedback, that they came across as cold, distant, and uncaring. It wasn’t their words that were sending these messages, but how they said those words and how they looked when they were saying them. By focusing on their tone and open body language and finding a balance between professionalism and caring, they were able to create a more supportive environment for these conversations.
Virtual Nonverbal Communication
In today’s world, nonverbal communication extends beyond in-person interactions. Your “digital body language” matters, too. For instance, during online meetings, make sure your camera is at eye level, your face is well-lit, and you’re looking into the camera—not at the screen—when speaking. This small adjustment helps simulate eye contact and makes you appear more engaged.
If you need to, investigate cameras that can be attached or lowered down onto your screen so you can look at people AND the camera. If you can’t change your camera, do what I did and put something on your camera that causes you to look at it, at least periodically. I put a pair of googly eyes on mine and I make a point to look right at them, especially when I’m trying to show intent listening or speaking about something important to me.
A Simple Practice to Improve Your Nonverbal Skills
Improving your nonverbal communication doesn’t mean overthinking every move. Starting with these quick exercises, you can make great strides in improving your nonverbal messages:
- Pause and reflect. The next time you speak with someone, ask yourself: “Is my body language supporting my words?”
- Seek feedback. Video yourself or ask a trusted colleague for input. What nonverbal signals are you sending with your voice, facial expression, gestures, and posture?
- Practice small changes. Focus on one area at a time—maybe it’s posture this week, eye contact next week.
Final Thoughts
Nonverbal communication isn’t just the “extra” in leadership—it’s essential. The more intentional you are about aligning your body language, tone, and expressions with your words, the stronger your leadership presence becomes.
Remember, some of the most important messages you’ll ever send don’t require words at all.
